The bits between words
Children can tune out our words faster than we can say “Tidy your bedroom”, but they are invested in all of the bits between our words even when it doesn’t look like they are.
Sometimes we don’t appreciate a person’s presence until they are not there. As we wind down to the end of this working year, I am anticipating many goodbyes in different areas of my life*, related to professional and personal worlds I am part of. I am thinking about different people and the presence they carry, and what I will miss about them.
During a conversation this week, it was so aptly said that someone’s presence is all the “bits between the words.” I love that because it somehow encapsulates the intangibles that make a person who they are, in how they move around, their quirks and mannerisms, their habits, the emotional tone they carry, and all of what you can come to expect of how they are in the world between their words.
This also has me thinking this week about who I am and how I am perceived in between my words. Do my actions/habits/quirks match my words so that I am aligned and integrated inside and out? When is my presence welcomed and when is it not so helpful?
Our children are especially attuned to our presence. They can tune out our words faster than we can say “Tidy your bedroom”, but they are invested in all of the bits between our words even when it doesn’t look like they are. When we are their safe space, our presence can be very comforting and nurturing for them, a place to regroup after a hard day out there on the school playground. They’re sub-consciously always checking where we’re at and assessing their place in our presence, are we approachable to them, are we going to listen, do we look like we’re in the mood to understand? And most importantly, are we actually there – physically and emotionally present.
In our bits between our words, we need to make sure we’re creating space to be available, especially to our most loved ones. Parenting is not the sum total of barking orders and issuing sage advice and instructions. Presence comes first, and then when the time is right, well-placed words that align with who we are. The human being, not “doing” part of us.
What are the “bits between the words” that you carry? What would people notice that is missing when you’re not around? What are the bits between the words that your children are responding or reacting to daily?
Have a wonderful weekend. And here’s to hoping there are bits of sun between the rain!
*(Don’t worry, I will remain in Howick, practicing play therapy!)
