Let them be bored

How do we prevent our children from becoming passive consumers? My answer is let them be bored!

As we come up to a long holiday in December, maybe you’re feeling pressure to ensure your child is entertained and busy at all times.*

Make plans, be intentional with the holidays, but don’t be scared of letting them get bored. They will come to you and present boredom as a state of emergency. Take a deep breath and then another one. Smile. Be curious and playful…”I wonder what you will find to do so boredom isn’t the boss of you?” (Adjust language to suit child’s age.)

Ensuring they are safely supervised is the number one priority, so that boredom doesn’t lead to anarchy. But boredom can actually lead to some amazing experiences that your kids create for themselves.

During the July holidays this year I was working. We were home most of the holidays, and most of my children’s friends were away so socialising was limited. The children (now nearly 13 and 11 years old), created several raps which they wrote themselves (with some inspiration from family members – you know who you are…). They wrote and recorded the raps themselves and shared them with family members. (Something to showcase at their 21stbirthdays for sure!)

Now, I’d just like to point out that my children didn’t create raps because they’re any more talented or special than the next child. They created them because they got bored and they found something creative, stimulating and engaging to do that they enjoyed.

There were so many positive spin-offs from this that I noticed. It created healthy independence and a sense of mastery for them. They were in control of the whole process from start to finish.

They worked together, which was lovely because, trust me, this doesn’t always happen. They really enjoyed the whole process and gave each other roles in it “You do the bridge, I’ll do the intro” (Seriously, these were the kinds of conversations I was overhearing!)

All of the above just from being bored.

Let your kids get bored, it enables them to become creators and producers, instead of passive consumers. Passive consumers kind of expect the world to come to them, to sit back and be entertained. They don’t tend to take initiative. They don’t tend to do much exploring. They tend to be glued to screens most of the time. They tend to be boring, because they haven’t had the privilege of being bored.

Being bored is an indication that life has actually slowed down enough for one to take a breath. This is a good thing. We’re over-scheduled. Our kids are over-scheduled. If they’re getting bored, then we know we’re getting somewhere! Deeper into rest and being rather than constant doing.

But here’s the thing to bear in mind, boredom without connection is a recipe for disaster. Children who get into trouble when they are bored tend to be those who feel they don’t have an adult connecting with them regularly and intentionally even in small doses. While kids are busy being bored they need to know they’re loved, they can ask for connection and receive it, they are safe and being supervised (ie: a trusted adult is close by to call on if needed).

Make space for playfulness and connection with your children regularly throughout the holidays. And for everyone’s sake, let them be bored!

But here’s the thing to bear in mind, boredom without connection is a recipe for disaster. Children who get into trouble when they are bored tend to be those who feel they don’t have an adult connecting with them regularly and intentionally even in small doses. While kids are busy being bored they need to know they’re loved, they can ask for connection and receive it, they are safe and being supervised (ie: a trusted adult is close by to call on if needed).

Make space for playfulness and connection with your children regularly throughout the holidays. And for everyone’s sake, let them be bored!

*Sometimes there are some very good reasons why they might need help keeping occupied; children with ADHD or ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) sometimes don’t do well with a whole lot of nothing, and thrive when there is structure, even in the holidays. Also, maybe you’re a full time working parent with more demands this season than any other in the year and so time off is not an option for you. Ensuring your children are meaningfully occupied when you’re unable to supervise them is completely understandable.