1 March 2024

Most definitely watch “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.” It was recently released on Netflix and it is an absolute joy.

Judy Blume is the author of the book upon which the movie is based. I grew up reading Judy Blume’s books, I can’t recall how old I was when I read this one, I just know I loved it. It was published in 1970, and is truly timeless.

I watched it with my 13 year old daughter and we had a lovely time together, laughing a lot. Some parts cringy (aka adolescence!), some incredibly tender, very entertaining and very on point for tween and teen girls the world over. The movie finished and my daughter let out a gasp of disappointment “it’s over?”. The characters are brilliant and draw you into their world completely. If you’ve never talked to your girl child (or boy, for that matter) about her developing body, this movie may open up some conversations for you!

The movie helps children to see that they are not the only ones going through what they’re going through, that life can be tough at times, that we experience disappointment and that things can also get better. Even though the movie is set in 1970 New York state, it is still relevant, and it helps us see that our everyday issues are everyone’s everyday issues across the decades. Margaret is a girl going through transition in more ways than one and you get to journey with her through the ups and downs.

So here is your homework for the weekend! Watch this movie!!

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Honour (verb) to regard with great respect. To fulfill an obligation or keep an agreement.

I haven’t focused on highlighting the various public holidays and events this year. But today I want to highlight two, Father’s Day and Youth Day.

Father’s Day

The word honour is both a noun and a verb. The verb meaning: to regard with great respect and to fulfill an obligation and keep an agreement.

honour (verb):to regard with great respect

I want to honour the fathers who think they are not ‘getting it right’, but keep trying anyway. Fathers who get attitude from their kids (whether 2 years old or 12 years old or 17 years old), and respond in love anyway. To fathers who feel at a loss, out of their depth, ill equipped but still don’t give up. To every father who continues to try to be the best he can for his children. I honour you this Father’s Day.

honour (verb):to fulfill an obligation and keep an agreement

This is my encouragement to fathers. The parenting work never ends (whether they are 2 or 12 or 17). Whether you planned to be a father or not, this is your obligation (but hopefully your deep joy!). Keep going. Keep learning and growing in your role as a father. If you haven’t felt honoured in a while, I honour you today. You matter.

Youth Month and Youth Day.

Today in South Africa it is Youth Day. This day was borne out of tragedy and loss. On 16 June 1976 just over 500 youth, including school students, were shot by police whilst engaging in a peaceful protest against the apartheid regime. I honour those youth who stood up for what they knew was right, protesting the wrongness of the system that kept them subservient and under-educated.

Each year we remember the pain of the past. Unbelievable trauma and loss. But we also get to celebrate young people today. You can read a goodthingsguy.com article on the importance of empowering youth here.

For some beautiful inspiration of what Youth have done and can do in communities, have a look at this video produced by dlalanathi, a local non-governmental organisation doing amazing work in semi-rural and rural communities. You can find out more about dlalanathi on their website.

Youth of South Africa, I honour you.

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Starting High School is like how different people experience fireworks. Exciting, new, wonderful or scary and overwhelming. Or perhaps even a bit of both!

If your child is starting High School in 2023, there may be some useful tidbits of information in this interview for them!

I sat down with an amazing young person who started high school in the middle of the pandemic and she had some lovely wisdom to share with others starting out their high school journeys.

What would your advice be for new grade 8s?

Remember that everyone is new, everyone is having a new start. Just talk to people and get to know people. In grade 8 the academic pressure is less than other grades in high school so focus on making friends first.

Have the confidence to talk to people. You can do this by reading their energy (are they open to chat, or not), and then decide whether to approach them or not.

And when you have those orientation activities, engage in the ice breakers! Even if they’re awkward! It’s another way to meet people.

What was the hardest thing for you in grade 8?

It was really difficult in the pandemic with lockdown. We couldn’t do all the activities and sports we would have done. It was really different from my expectations.

There just wasn’t as much interactions as there could have been due to social distancing. There were those dots on the field, 1.5m apart right at the start. There was no hugging allowed, for nearly 2 years.

In online school, you just didn’t get to know people. This was not a great start to a new school! Because you couldn’t interact with people closely, it took much longer to get to really know people. People got less used to in-person interactions and so some people were fine and interactive online, but not in person. You could see for some people it was harder for them to get used to new people in person.

What is the biggest difference between primary and high school for you?

In high school I think the teachers are more relaxed, and you can interact with them more. They don’t patronise you. And they know a lot more about adolescent issues. In primary school things tend to be a lot more rule-focused and you get into trouble for small things.

And academically?

You do need to study because the work is more difficult but, don’t stress about marks.

Thank you to this young person who shared her experiences and thoughts with me, I really appreciate it!

Make sure that you read Part 2 next week for some really great thoughts on new friendships in high school!

Some ideas of how and where to find help if you’re feeling anxious about High School.

Find an adult or older young person who you trust to talk to. Maybe you feel like your worries are trivial, they’re not. It is completely normal to feel nervous about a whole new stage of life, even if you’re moving to High School with some of your friends! Sometimes just speaking out your worries or concerns can help.

Also remember this, sometimes we have “anticipatory anxiety” where we dread the unknown of what is to come more than the actual event itself. This anticipatory anxiety can feel quite heavy, even though it is totally and completely normal. Name what it is, even speak it out loud to yourself. “This feels like I am dreading the unknown, I think this is anticipatory anxiety. It doesn’t feel great, but I can get through this.”

Make a list of things that you can do to help you feel calm and try to do these regularly. Journal, chat with friends, exercise, make your favourite food, do deep breathing, laugh or whatever other coping option you use that helps you feel good after doing it. Make a plan about how you will deal with any anxiety, write your plan down and share it with someone you trust.

If you’re feeling like what you’re going through is a bit more than anticipatory anxiety or nerves, it is really important to get help. Many high schools have school counsellors on site. Don’t be afraid to visit them!

If there is no one at home who you feel you can speak to, there are phone or online counselling services available.

Childline’s new number is 116  (It is also a counselling service and not only for reporting abuse.) This is toll-free and available 24 hours a day. 

Life Line’s number is 0861-322-322. Also toll-free and available 24 hours a day.

SADAG – South African Depression and Anxiety Group has several numbers. The 24 hour suicide helpline is 0800 567 567.

The 24 hour general helpline is 0800 456 789.

There is also a WhatsApp chatline 076 882 2775

SADAG has a comprehensive website with lots of information, including videos and brochures on anxiety, depression and other mental health issues. Even if you feel it doesn’t apply to you, it might be useful for passing on to a friend or when you need to support a friend or loved one! You can check out the website here. www.sadag.org.

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Starting High School is a bit like launching into the unknown. Especially when faced with a bunch of new people you’ve never met before. How do you know who’s good for you or not?

I sat down with an amazing young person who started high school in the middle of the pandemic and she had some lovely wisdom to share with others starting out their high school journeys. You can read part 1 of that interview here.

Here are the amazing young person’s comments on starting new friendships in High School…

“Make sure the person you are in grade 8 is the person you want to be all the way through high school.”

I love this statement. How I interpret it is, be yourself and be true to yourself. Anyone have different thoughts on this?*

Your friendship group is very important. Make sure you make friends outside of this (don’t get stuck in a “clique”)

Beware of toxic people.

How would you define a toxic person?

Someone who absorbs ALL of your energy. They are quite manipulative and they try to isolate you from others. They try to make you feel guilty about talking to someone else, they’re very jealous and can make you feel guilty for doing other things. They can make you feel that you have to always be with them and no one else.

And, one day they don’t want to be with you and the next day they are clingy.

“Sometimes if you get that gut feeling they aren’t being truthful, don’t ignore that! And if it goes on too long, talk to someone you trust.”

Also, talk directly to the person if they’re making you feel guilty, then walk away.

What is your take on the difference between building face to face and online relationships?

Online, people are often much more brave, and they may be more passive-aggressive, they wouldn’t behave a certain way to your face, for example.

If you make a new friend, get to know them in person first, then online. If you have friends you only know online, don’t tell them everything. Trust is a big issue!

Online bullying is extremely common. It can be so subtle and passive-aggressive. Be direct and ask them to stop.

Knowing when a person is joking or being sarcastic or mean online is really hard. You can’t read their tone of voice. You can so easily use emojis falsely. Emojis are so often exaggerated online, making it even harder to read tone/intention at times.

Try to get to know people in person and see if they’re the same in person as they are online, if they’re consistent, they would probably be a good friend!

My huge thanks to this amazing young person for sharing your great thoughts and insights in navigating high school life. You’re a star.

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