I’m pretty convinced I had Covid recently. And the more I’ve spoken to people, the more I realise it’s been doing the rounds again. It looks different and it doesn’t carry the same panic factor as it did, even a year ago. It is no longer deadly dangerous (to most people), but it certainly still carries an impact.

For me one of the impacts was muscle pain that I had never experienced before. When I spoke to a chiropractor, she said this has been a common symptom in flu (Covid) recently. That was really unexpected for me and I didn’t realise that that level of muscle pain and Covid went together!

The other thing that happened was that it took a long while to regain energy and strength. This is not an unexpected side effect, but it can feel debilitating. And I certainly felt that energy depletion in my mood and daily functioning. It’s a real downer.

Here are some things I have learned about having the virus and I want to relate to the long term mental health effect of Covid on us as society.

It takes a long while, longer than we think, for the effects of a virus to work through our body. Rest, hydration and multi-vitamins are all needed to keep helping the body recover.

The after-effects can be very unexpected and ‘out of nowhere’. We can actually miss the root cause of these effects because they’re simply not what we expect.

The virus affects every single part of your being; physical health, immune system, resilience and coping with everyday life, and emotional health.

Covid’s 3 year anniversary has come and gone. But the after-effects of it linger. For some, physically, and for most psychologically. Back when Covid started, many experts warned about the coming mental health pandemic and I do believe we’re seeing the outworking of that now.

What do we need to do now?

We need to nurture our mental health. We need rest, connection and a variety of good nurturing activities. Take an active approach in taking care of your mental health.

During the pandemic anxiety and depression increased in adults, 4 in 10 adults reported symptoms of anxiety and depression (in the USA). Drug overdoses increased in this time. Job losses and unemployment increased substantially at the start of the pandemic, these being long associated with adverse mental health outcomes.

There is no one-shot “solution” here. When your body is processing flu you (hopefully get to) do several things; rest, take medication and drink fluids. All of these practices help support a return to health. This is true of mental health too. We need to find several practices which work for us and that support our health. Healthy relationships, exercise, good nutrition, journalling and therapy are examples.

Acknowledge and take stock of the impact Covid had on you and your family. It may have precipitated some good and welcome changes, but change is change and it does have an impact. When we intentionally focus on increasing awareness through acknowledgment, we may start to better understand signs and symptoms of the impact of Covid. Covid affected all of the areas of human functioning that support our well-being and mental health. Read that again.

That means that Covid interrupted access to social and environmental supports, it affected food security, income and access to other life essentials. Everything we need to function well was impacted. Of course, not every family was impacted in the same way. Wherever you fell on the continuum of physical need/plenty, taking stock of mental health is vital.

If you have things happening in your life or that of your children now that are puzzling to you, consider whether they might be a long-term impact of Covid. Parenting is a “playing the long-game” situation as our children grow up over the course of years and years. How old was your child during the hard lockdown when everything was weird and uncertain? Their age at that time has a bearing on how they could have been impacted. How did you cope? That has a bearing on how they did and are doing now.

We need to build up resilience and capacity for ourselves and support our children to do the same. This is life-long learning and growth for us all. If you’re not sure how to do that, seek support. You can start by talking to a friend. You can go for therapy. You may need medication, or art therapy or both! Every person’s journey looks different.

Don’t give up!

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I am so aware of so many living with deep loss at present. The losses have accumulated over the past 18 months in multiple, unanticipated ways. The thing that stands out for me is that as the pandemic continues and pandemic-fatigue has indeed become a thing, we’re struggling to know how to process our own losses and struggles, let alone help our children navigate them.

Children are experiencing anxiety in unprecedented numbers. Anecdotally, from my private practice over the last 18 months, over 80% of children have come for play therapy due to symptoms of anxiety manifesting in their lives.

I don’t think we can separate loss and the experience of anxiety. C.S. Lewis writes about the visceral experience of grief* as feeling the same as fear.

No wonder we are finding ourselves anxious, afraid and overwhelmed.

Here’s a bit of a family challenge and activity, to process your losses together. This is an example of a way to process the Covid pandemic and how it has affected you. I made this on a Google Jamboard. This is a timeline or road map through Covid-19 from a fictitious child’s point of view. The blue sticky notes are dates or facts marking a rough chronology. The green sticky notes are memories of the experience of lockdown and the impact of covid, whether positive or negative.

Example of my journey through covid

Why not each make your own timeline or road map through the Covid journey over the last 18 months? You can do it electronically like I did, or on a piece of paper. Yours might have illustrations instead of lots of words. You could use symbols, or even cut out magazine pictures to collage your journey.

The point is to remember back to when Covid first started, how did you feel? How do you feel about Covid today? What did you miss out on? What did you enjoy? Make sure you record major events that happened in the family. Talk about them together. It’s OK if you remember different things, and it’s certainly OK if you feel totally differently about the same events. You don’t have to make your timelines “agree” with one another, and your timeline does not have to be accurate in terms of chronology. A general sense of when things happened is fine. (True confession, right now I would draw 2020 from June onwards as a blurry line…)

Some of your losses may be massive. You may have lost significant friends and family this past year. Some losses may seem relatively insignificant, such as missing out on social occasions. Losses are losses and it is how we experience them that matters. Respect one another’s timelines, ask questions, feel free to be sad or silly together. Don’t force anyone in the family to participate in this activity, it should be voluntary. Not everyone is ready to think about losses.

Finally, if you feel the need to celebrate what you have achieved, you can always go back to making certificates.

Thank you for being here, on my timeline!

*I use grief and loss interchangeably for the purposes of this post as the losses we have experienced are like grief in this time even if the loss is not specifically related to a death.

The post Our journey through Covid: A family activity for processing loss appeared first on Linda Smallbones.

Some of us have been waiting for some time…but maybe, possibly, schools will be opening up soon. There is still a lot of uncertainty. However, I think this is an opportunity to start to prepare yourself and your child to return to school. Even if it is a bit of a drawn out preparation in some cases!

Start with what you know

Part of the preparation is talking about the uncertainty of the situation. If you know the facts of the return, talk through those facts with your child. Tell them what has been communicated and what you know for sure from the school. Be honest about when the details are not yet certain.

Some schools may simply not be organised or communicate so well with parents. This can be incredibly frustrating. Try to find a space away from your child to voice your (more aggressive) frustrations. Being loaded with your negative perceptions of their school/teacher/Principal will cloud your child’s view of their return to school and may even make them feel unsafe about returning.

If you do voice your frustration in front of your child, then also try to model to them how you are dealing with your frustration and what options you are trying to explore. It is ok to say “I’m feeling quite frustrated that I don’t know when you are going back to school because it makes it hard to plan. I really would like to know and I think you would too. Today, I am feeling so frustrated I am needing to take some deep breaths to calm down. Want to try it with me?”

Listen

Some questions may help to process feelings about returning to school. Ask one question at a time. Take your lead from what your child says. Listen to what is uppermost in their minds.

What are you missing most about school?

When you get back to school, what are you expecting?

What do you think will be different? What do you think will be the same?

What will you miss about being at home?

Ask your child what some of their worries about returning to school are. Again, simply listen, some of their worries may seem trivial, but if they have shared them with you then they are very real. Some worries could be alleviated with good information. Others may be related to distress they’re experiencing at all the changes and uncertainty.

Practicalities

Work through some of the protective measures schools will have to take. For example, everyone at school will be required to wear masks all day. This will be hard for some kids. On a practical level, work with your child to find masks that are comfortable for them. It will be really hard to work if they’re experiencing discomfort because the elastic over their ears is too tight. Explore the regulations with the school about options such as wearing a buff instead of a mask.

Teachers will also have to wear masks, some may even wear face shields in order to be heard a little better. Younger children especially may have to be introduced to the concept of a face shield and get used to what it looks like. Their teacher has not turned into an alien!

It may help to talk about the fact that everyone is required to wear a mask, it may feel funny or even silly at first, but it’s something we all need to do to protect one another and prevent the spread of the virus.

Physical distancing between children will be required. This may be one of the hardest parts of returning to school and being reunited with friends, more especially for younger children. Speak to your child’s teacher about what plans they have in place for physical distancing in the classroom and during break times. Help your child to process their experiences and feelings about the physical distancing once school starts.

Prepare your child where certain activities they love may not be happening. For example, contact sports. This aspect has been and will continue to be a huge gap for many children. Talk through what the school has planned instead, if you know. Ask them for their ideas of what they could do instead.

You’ve already adapted!

Take stock of all the ways you and your child have adapted through this time. Make a list of these together. Point out to your child their strengths, their coping and all the things you’re proud of them for during this time. Use this as a starting place for their coping with the return to school.

Tell them you believe in them, they can do this, but reassure them that you are there for them. Keep communicating your love and support in different ways.

Keep Listening

After the school returns, ask them what really was different and what was the same.

Was it kind of like they expected or not?

In the beginning, it may feel like everyone has just started at a new school again! Treat it as such, if you need to. This is a strange, new way of being and we all need time, compassion and guidance to adapt.

Whether you are about to send your child back to school or keep them at home, strength to you for this time.

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