20 September 2024

Hey South Africans, happy Michaelmas holiday! During this quick 10 day break, on Tuesday 24 September in South Africa we celebrate Heritage Day (also known as Braai Day!) On this day, we celebrate heritage and culture; who we are, where we come from and what we value. The South African braai is the thing that unites all cultures in our country, a wonderful way of bringing people of diversity together -food, of course!!

Photo by Paul Hermann on Unsplash

Heritage is defined as something transmitted by or acquired from a predecessor; a legacy or inheritance.

Here is my challenge to parents this holiday; make PLAY with your children part of the legacy you leave them. There is nothing else that can replace face-to-face time between parent and child. Jonathan Haidt in his book The Anxious Generation talks about the decline of the play-based childhood, that safety concerns caused parents to curb children’s play outdoors followed by the advent of smart phones and social media shifting childhood from play-based to phone-based.

One of the ways I believe we can re-introduce play back into children’s lives is for parents to make lots of time to play with their children. Safety the world over is a concern in many places, yes. And so it would make sense to make it safe for your children, venture out with them into the great outdoors and explore together.

In South Africa, I do not think we are yet aware of the damage that has and is being done by children being immersed in screens. It is a matter of normalcy now. For example, see a 3 year old at a social event walking around with nose pressed against a screen, choosing the phone instead of playing with the peers around her. We allow it to happen because “it’s the way kids are now.”

In this matter, let’s go against the way things are. Let’s be different. And no, I don’t think it’s possible to have both. I think we as parents get to shape the experience our children have. We can allow them to have a phone-based childhood by putting a smart phone in their hands when they’re 5, or we can normalise play-based childhood, the outdoor world, exploration, and face-to-face conversations.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels

Play has enormous benefits, in fact, children cannot thrive without it. It has physical, emotional, cognitive, social, and creative benefits that contribute to their holistic development. No amount of Youtube videos or online courses can replace play in all its forms.

If we want to advocate for a play-based childhood, we have to step up and help facilitate the play. By playing with our children face to face as often as possible, and also by ensuring they have safe play opportunities when we can’t be with them.

What is your opinion?

Can a child have a phone-based and play-based childhood? Or is it one or the other?

Play ideas!

Here are some previous blog posts with ideas of games and things to play.

Quizz time!

The Great Loadshedding Debate

The hot pot game!

The chocolate game

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17 June 2024

UNICEF recently released this very powerful video. They asked children to act like their parents and they videoed them. Their parents then watched the videos and for many it was a very confronting experience.

https://fb.watch/sLwSyJDuBq/

If this was your child, how would they be imitating you?

In South Africa it’s the Winter holidays, a chance for things to slow down for a few weeks. How would you like to do things differently with your children this holiday? You may have to work, but you can still make time. And this will make a huge difference to them.

Photo by Jessie Shaw on Unsplash

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The Winter holidays are here! You have some ideal opportunities to play and connect with the children in your life. Enjoy!!

The Winter holidays are upon us – happy holidays all!! I like to share some connection ideas for all ages for these times as a way to inspire and encourage family connection, play and fun!

Recently, in another bout of evening load shedding, while we were sitting around our fireplace and roasting giant marshmallows (courtesy of my older sister who likes to keep things moderate and normal size in every way – hmmmm… cough cough.)

Anyway… we happened upon the idea of doing a ‘pub quizz’ and that led to several evenings of searching for general knowledge quizzes online and asking and answering questions.

Wait, it’s a lot more fun than I’ve just made it sound! The cool thing about this is you can search for questions related to whatever topic takes your children’s fancy. We have had several rounds of football-related quizzes, music, sports and fantasy characters. There are also questions geared to different ages so you will find something suitable for your kiddos no matter their age.

Adults, put your inner competitor aside and let the children take the lead. Give them time to think and remember answers. It’s ok to get answers wrong, even ‘simple’ ones we ‘should’ know. No shaming and blaming, just enjoyment! For some children if you say “Oh, you should get this one easily!” it can put them under a lot of pressure to perform and they could end up getting it wrong out of panic!

This is a great activity for tweens and up, but also any child who enjoys knowing stuff about the world and learning more.

Firelight and giant marshmallows are not mandatory, but add a touch of atmosphere as well as warmth and light during load shedding!

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Hello! Just thought I would share some snippets of work from this past week!

Loryn and I at the Midlands Schools Expo. We had fun – see pic below! Our ‘stress balloon’ making at the Expo. Thanks for coming kids!

Sand tray work is AMAZING!!!

Whiteboards are great for all sorts of things! Incomplete sentences help kids think about what they like and don’t like. Who they are and who they’re not. This kiddo left her “I wish I could…” sentence incomplete. Mmm, how would you finish that sentence?

And UNO, there is always UNO!

I do think my work produces the most colourful photos, every single day. I am profoundly grateful for what I get to do! Thank you to those of you reading this who do or have entrusted your kids to me!

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“My mom is like this zebra. The black part reminds me of her computer keyboard she works on all the time”, said a 7 year old to me recently.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about hearing this perception. It brought up a whole lot of questions and thoughts in my mind, especially about the way our children see us spending our time when they are around us. Our children would love us to be available to be their playmate almost constantly, but this is not realistic.

The work from home movement has caused dilemmas in many households. Mom and/or dad is here, but not actually available. This is a tough one for the very little people to get their heads around.

Or maybe we don’t work from home, but work is always following us home! If it feels like we’re working all the time, imagine that perception in a young child’s mind. They feel it like a real absence, we’re there but not really. They don’t get us to play with.

Some jobs, and some seasons in some jobs demand a lot of us. Take stock of when last you played with your child, and think about the role your work (the black stripe in the zebra!) has in preventing play from happening.

Below is a link to Harvard University’s Centre on the Developing Child resource on ideas for brain-building play for children of all ages. They have fantastic information via articles and podcasts about play and its role in our children’s development.

View Handouts From infancy on, play is an important part of a child’s life. For babies and toddlers, simple, playful interactions with adults help develop sturdy brain architecture, the foundations of lifelong health, and the building blocks of resilience. Through games and playful activities, child…

Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University

Now, go forth and play this weekend! And enjoy!

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“I want people to identify with characters in the poems, and to laugh at themselves, to not beat themselves up about things but have a good laugh. I want people to know they’re not alone.”

This week I was gifted a book called “Potjie Pot Poems” and I was delighted to see it was written by someone I know, Liza Seele! Liza is local to the Midlands, she’s a creative wordsmith, she’s a mom, her book is very funny and extremely relatable – this hits every feel good button, people! I just had to get in touch with her, celebrate her being a published author, and ask her some questions.

Liza’s been writing poetry for kids since her daughter was in grade 1 and the poetry she was sent home with was boring…I’m guessing the teachers agreed because collectively they were the cheerleaders who ultimately encouraged Liza to put her growing collection of poems into a book. Liza finished writing the book during lockdown – her now not so secret lockdown baby!

Every single poem is inspired by real life events, some of which have happened in Liza’s family and others that she’s overheard kids talk about whilst being mom’s taxi. Liza has a funny anecdote-radar and has a gift for seeing joy in everyday things. She says she exaggerates things to make them funny, but let me tell you that when I read “Morning Momster” it resonated on a real and personal level for me (confessions of a Morning Momster). And then there’s “Zoom Granny” – oh my word! I was reading it out loud to my mother and I nearly couldn’t finish I was laughing so hard. Dad’s are by no means left out of the picture, you may enjoy “My Dad Loves Beer”.

I asked Liza what she would like families reading this book to experience, and I love her reply. “I want people to identify with characters in the poems, and to laugh at themselves, to not beat themselves up about things but have a good laugh. I want people to know they’re not alone.” We talked about how very timely this book is for South Africa. Liza loves that laughter and joy are unifying, and can bring a sense of belonging. This is a South African book through and through, I mean there is even a poem entitled “Hadeda” – need I say more?!

I love the potential for this book to bring a family together, face to face, to read and laugh together. If you’re needing time to connect and looking for inspiration, buy this book! Look for yourself in it, recall your own family experiences together, tell those stories, and enjoy a good laugh together. In case I have made this sound all too fluffy and light, there are also incredibly tender and beautiful lines threaded through some of the poems, touching on loss and hardship. I was really moved by “Gramps In My Heart” and “Heroes in Highlights”.

The great news is that there is more to come! Liza has just submitted her second manuscript “Vuvuzela Verses” to the publisher. Liza, thanks for bringing the everyday into funny focus and for giving us the opportunity to laugh and connect in these crazy times!

You can buy “Potjie Pot Poems” at www.lizaseele.com, or at Exclusive Books, or the Toy Hut in Hilton, or Nuts About Books and Toys in Howick. You can also follow Liza on Instagram or Facebook at @lizaseele

Here’s a poem to enjoy… by the lovely Liza, of course!

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How does it work? Why would I need to pay for my child to play? Why would a child need therapy to play?

These are some of the questions I have been asked over the years. To be honest, it’s always a difficult question to answer simply and without using jargon. So, here is my attempt to offer an explanation, as jargon-less as possible.

We all know what it’s like to be in the car after school with our child and ask, “How was your day?” and get a one word answer “Fine”. We may try and press them and ask, “But what happened?” and we might even use a creative question to get them talking. Sometimes this might work for you, and that’s great. But sometimes, your child simply needs to get home and decompress after all the challenges, interactions and maybe bumps and knocks sustained on a usual day of growing up.

Talking for children is not always the way they process their experiences.

But play is. Play is always the thing children return to again and again that provides a space to be; in their body, in their imagination, in the fun! Play is the child’s domain. Play is a release and a comfort.

Exploring who is allowed in my special space, and who is not. Exploring safe and unsafe is a routine part of the play therapy process.

For every stage of childhood development there are different types of play that assist children’s growth and development. Different types of play are included but not limited to, imitation, sensory, functional, imaginary, projective, and dramatic play. You can find an explanation of each of these below.

My job as the play therapy practitioner is to join the child at their stage of development and play, and to build a relationship with them through that play. Sometimes I am in the garden playing hide and seek, sometimes I am building lego, sometimes we’re making playdough, or playing with the dolls house, or knocking balloons around the room, or making things with boxes, or playing boardgames or reading stories or making them up… you get the picture!

Using our breath to experiment with bubbles.

During a play therapy session, the child has access to different play therapy modalities, such as arts and crafts, clay play, puppets, sand tray miniatures, and board games. Through engaging with the different forms of play, the child gets the opportunity to project his/her unfinished business onto the toys and play out their world. Through this projection in a safe space, healing takes place and the child gets control back. Rhinda Blom (www.playtherapytraining.net)

Childhood is a time of immense growth and learning. Learning how to be a healthy person in an upside-down world is an energy-sapping business on a good day! When you add tough life experiences such as divorce, death, a worldwide pandemic, change, friendship issues, anxiety, bullying, academic challenges and so on, it becomes even harder for children.

The unfinished business referred to by Blom are those issues which they have going around and around in their minds, sometimes sub-consciously and sometimes very consciously, and are unresolved. Issues which may cause them fear and uncertainty and which, for whatever reason, they haven’t been able to seek help dealing with them. One of those reasons is that they simply may not be able to verbally articulate the issue, and this is where play rather than talking it out is very powerful.

Children project their experiences and emotions onto their play in a way that helps them to make sense of them. Play therapy is a process in which I observe and notice projections and potential unfinished business and at an appropriate time, I will gently bring the child’s awareness to those, unless of course they do so first. When the child feels safe, and when we have established a relationship, only then do we start to talk about the thing(s) that are really bothering them.

Sometimes we explore anger and big feelings by making volcanoes outside.

How long will it take? Will this be successful?

A process by definition is a series of steps. Play therapy is most definitely a process, relationship building is the first and most important step in that process. How long it take entirely depends on the issue, the child’s willingness to engage with me, and how safe or unsafe they feel.

Whether the play therapy process will be successful or not is perhaps the hardest question to answer, and it depends on your definition of success in this context. My primary goal with every child and their parents is to increase emotional connection in their relationship so that when I am no longer part of the picture, the relationship continues to support the child’s emotional journey.

In saying this I am not assuming there is no connection, but we all experience wobbles or interruptions in connection. It happens often that parent and child have “missed” one another in the tumult of what they’re coping with and there is fall out from that. “I realised that when I regulated myself, my child was more regulated”, a mom once told me. A more calm, regulated parent can regulate their child and provide the safety they’ve been needing.

We find varied, safe ways to explore our power. “Aggressive” energy release is a way of using pent up energy from sitting down at school all day. We are chaotic in a contained way at times in the play room. Hitting, throwing, bouncing, and punching are all ways of using up aggressive energy, venting frustrations, and feeling just how strong we are.

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Enjoy the learning as you think about a topic from a different perspective!

We started something new a little while ago, during a loadshedding peak (for us every evening between 6 and 8pm!) and not having quite enough light for boardgames. It was my husband’s idea of brilliance to hold a …debate! The organised, respectful, listening kind. We split into two teams and my husband decided on the first topic which was not too emotive – “Dogs being walked in the local conservancy should be kept on a lead” – for and against. Daughter and dad teamed up, and came up with some solid arguments for dogs being on leads. My son and I also, if I may say so, came up with some solid arguments too. It was a great process.

Set ground rules before you begin

We talked about things before and after such as how we listen, we don’t interrupt, we decided on what the actual process would be together, and we talked about what was difficult about debating.

Enjoy the learning

Our daughter was very for having dogs off lead at the start, by the end she was totally invested in having them on lead. We talked about having to debate from a position opposite to what you believe or perceive. She said at first it was hard for her, but by the end she could totally see the other side of the argument and debated quite convincingly.

There were a couple of times different teams interrupted the others and a show of frustration at this – we talked through how annoying it is to be interrupted and the importance of listening through to the end. We talked through different ways of doing debates and settled on one way together for this time. We’ll try something else next time.

There were no winners or losers. We decided we definitely can’t do this activity if any of us are tired or emotional, and that for future debates we’ll decide all together whether it’s a good time for it. We also did not get hung up on technical debating rules and process.

For me this was an amazing time to see my children think through an issue, put thoughts on paper and then form arguments. We all interacted as equals – mom and dad were by no means experts on the topic although I did throw in a cheeky “Research shows…” at one point. It was great to talk about the way we think and what we learned from it.

We’ve decided our next topic is “Children should set their own screen time limits.” Mom and dad on one team and the kids on the other. However, mom and dad are first arguing FOR (I KNOW!! Don’t you want a ringside seat??). My son is delighted – he says there is hope the rules at home will be changed as we’ll see ‘the other side’. Ha ha ha!! But here’s the kicker, there is going to be a second debate on this topic where the teams reverse their stance. I shall report back!

Our children are 11 and 12, so it’s a really good activity for their age and where they’re at. I would recommend this for children around 8 years old and above, and that teams be divided to take into account age and development.

If your family were to hold a debate, what would it be on? (Maybe start with something not too emotive, until you’ve established how it can work and how different family members respond.) Hold a debate and make a #playpledge

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Play, joy and enjoyment can lift us out of where we are into new possibilities.

I wonder if you feel as if you’ve been carrying a lot for a long time? I wonder if you know your children feel it too, whether at home as a parent or in the classroom as a teacher or wherever you interact with children?

We started the Real Talk: Conversation Sessions for parents this week. How wonderful you’ve been, beautiful parents who showed up and shared, thank you! I realise again just how much parents have been carrying, for their children and themselves.

How do we deal with what we carry when it now feels too heavy to bear any more?

You know how sometimes we say if we don’t laugh we’ll just cry… well, maybe it’s time to laugh, maybe it’s time to play and find joy. We will find 90% of the time our children will be more than willing to help us play!

Play, joy and enjoyment can lift us out of where we are into new possibilities. This is not about ignoring our pain, we do need to process our experiences and hurts and unmet needs. This is about not getting stuck in our pain, and modelling joyful ways of coping to our children.

I want to  share LEGO Foundations #playpledge campaign with you.

Video Link

#playpledge

Here is a link to the Lego Foundation website and a way to make a #playpledge. If you do make a play pledge, please consider sharing with me via Facebook or Instagram, or even email me. I’d love to hear from you!

Real Talk: Conversation sessions for parents continues next week with dealing with Stress and Anxiety

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To talk about what you enjoy about them is to talk about what you see in them as a person, and what makes you like them as a person.

I invite you to take some time over the weekend to not hurry.

Maybe to not hurry feels to some like a luxury, or to some like laziness.

Hurry is the pace of the world. But it is not a pace which cultivates delight and enjoyment.

I can’t enjoy popcorn whilst standing at the kitchen counter preparing food. I can’t delight in a walk if I am only there to get it over and done with.

It is important we take time to enjoy our children and to delight in who they are. We can’t do that when we are in a hurry. When we hurry, we lose awareness and we don’t notice. We may gloss over our children, “Well, they’re still alive, everything must be fine.”

But, to really, really notice, one has to not hurry. Take time to observe, watch your child doing what they’re doing, give them a warm smile when they look at you and say “What?” by way of asking why you’re being so still, looking and smiling. Tell them about what you enjoy about them.

To tell them you love them is great, yes. But to talk about what you enjoy about them is to talk about what you see in them as a person, and what makes you like them as a person. They learn that they are worthy of being enjoyed and delighted in and a really solid sense of self starts to be established.

“Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missing things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing…. Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away. “

Ann Voscamp.

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