Getting up again

I want to share this sweet story to illustrate how we can partner with our children to build resilience in them after hurts and setbacks.

My daughter got hit in the face during her hockey game, it really hurt. No blood or broken bones, thankfully, but it was sore. I think she was also in a bit of shock.

We got home and she and I had a chat about what happened and then we had a little dance around the house to “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba. (I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna to keep me down.)

We danced around the house together, having such fun and attracting strange looks from my husband and son! My daughter loved this and is back on the hockey field!

Resilience is the ability to deal with adversity without becoming overwhelmed by it (Edith Grotberg, 1999). We help our children build resilience by walking with them through a setback or injury or hardship.

There is no way we can shelter or rescue our children from every difficult thing, and nor should we. If we constantly rescue them, they will grow into irresponsible, apathetic individuals who are unable to tolerate even vague discomfort because they won’t have a coping skill in sight.

In this story, the mom provided time for learning and resilience building with her daughter. She spoke with her first, she took some time to check in with how she was doing. She knew she was sore but that actually the shock of being hurt was more than the pain itself. She acknowledged her daughter’s feelings.

After the listening and acknowledgment, mom invited her daughter to dance with her and they sang the song lyrics at the tops of their voices. These had huge meaning for the little girl and her mom in the moment. Movement, music, connection and laughter brought the story to a positive close for the day.

What did the little girl learn in the process? Bad things happen, and sometimes they hurt a lot. Mom helps to listen and care for me when bad things happen. Mom will be there for me. Mom is reliable when I can’t cope all on my own. Things hurt for a while, but they do start to feel better. I can be loved and have fun even if I maybe still hurt a little. Everything is going to be ok given time because I am loved and cared for.