Myths about Play #3
You are not a bad parent if you don't have the desire to play the same things as your child. The most important thing is to spend quality time with your child in a way that is enjoyable for them and not all at your own expense.
We're coming in to land with this little series around the myths of play. This is the third of three, but there are many more myths out there about play.
Myth #3 You have to play with your child in order to be a good parent.
Ok, so slight curve ball here because I am going to say this is a myth but also not a myth at the same time.
Have you ever been asked to play a game with a child that you just really, really despise playing? For me it was "monster, monster" when my kids would jump in the middle of the trampoline and I would have to be the monster and 'get' them. Urgh! Such a not fun for me game!! I know for others it is make believe play that they battle with, or doing crafts, or maybe you have a super sporty child and you can't catch a ball.
The truth is, we can be wired very differently from our children and battle to find things that are fun for both of us. And we can actively dislike what they love. It's not personal, it just is.
You are not a bad parent if you don't have the desire to play the same things as your child.
Sometimes, you may feel the need to suck it up and play the game or do the thing you don't like to do in order to simply show up for your child. With the trampoline game my kids loved, every now and then I would say yes when they asked and I would put a time limit on it in line with my tolerance for it.
My question is; what could you enjoy doing with your child? Where do your interests meet in a way that ignites joy and being together for you both?
A few years ago my son and I went to art classes together just because we do tend to have different interests and abilities and this class was something we were both interested in. He is way more talented at art than I am, but I loved it and we got to do something together which was the whole point.
So, really this myth is about a compromise. Don't think you're a bad parent if you don't love what your child loves to play. Make a sacrifice when you can and engage in that play because it's likely a fast way to full up their love tank!
When people in your life take an interest in what you love, even when they can't quite fathom it, it's very validating for the relationship. And so it is for the parent-child relationship too.
The most important thing is to spend quality time with your child in a way that is enjoyable for them and not all at your own expense. Sacrifices are necessary as a parent at times, yes. Many times I have seen my husband come home and go straight out into the garden to play soccer when he is so tired. This is a sacrifice of love and I'm convinced our children feel more loved because of it.
But it is also OK to say no sometimes, and suggest a different way to spend time together. Timing and enjoyment, these things can make us better at showing up as parents!
