New things in Spring!
A project aimed at addressing the increase of inappropriate sexual behaviours between children.
Hi and Happy Spring! I am excited to share with you a new project I am working on with two colleagues that may be of interest to educators and school-based practitioners. And, if you're a parent please still take note of this really important information in this blog.
Project context
The World Health Organisation estimated that between 30% and 50% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by children under the age of 18. (WHO, 2017) Read that again, it is pretty shocking.
I have written about sexualised behaviour between children previously. You can read articles here and here (please note this article contains an interview with one mum whose child experienced inappropriate sexual contact perpetrated by a child 3 years older. This mum shares incredibly important information that may be helpful to you if you have been through something similar) and here is a further article.
Inappropriate sexual behaviour is also referred to as harmful sexual behaviour or problematic sexual behaviour. This is defined as
“Sexual behaviours expressed by children and young people under the age of 18 years old that are developmentally inappropriate, may be harmful towards self or others, or be abusive towards another child, young person or adult.”
Hackett, 2014.
What is normal?
It is normal for children to be curious about their own and other people's bodies, to ask those awkward questions about where babies come from, and to play act at being "moms and dads". Typical sexual behaviour or play happens between peers and is consensual, mutual, playful, and expected for their age. (Hackett, 2014)
Simon Hackett developed the above continuum of sexual behaviours in children which shows that there is a range of behaviours, from what is developmentally typical through to harmful.
It can be tricky at times to know what is typical, what is problematic and what is harmful. One has to consider the age of the child, the frequency of behaviour, the context for the behaviour, and the impact of the behaviour on other children. What's more, there may be additional factors in each individual case contributing to the behaviour.
Be clear and kind
There is nothing wrong with typical sexual behaviour in children, it is part of their development and discovery about themselves and the world. But when sexual behaviour comes to adult's attention, they can firmly and kindly redirect the behaviour, and put appropriate boundaries in place.
Beverley James writes in her book Treating Traumatised Children (1989), that one should adopt the same attitude to sexual behaviour as one does to nose picking in children. It is not socially accepted public behaviour, and there does not need to be harsh punishment but rather a simple re-direct. "It's ok if you want to pick your nose/ touch your own private parts. But do it when you are on your own in the bedroom or bathroom, not in front of other people. Right now is for playing with friends or doing some colouring, what do you want to do?"
To be clear, inappropriate sexual behaviour is happening everywhere; on play dates, in homes and in schools. Anywhere children spend time together. This is happening all over the world, not only in South Africa and it is not restricted to any particular social class or gender or income.
Fresh Hope Consulting
I am working with two colleagues; Lungi Makhonza and Sandy Meyer on a project to support schools deal with inappropriate sexual behaviour on campus.
We help schools develop early intervention and prevention responses to inappropriate sexual behaviour between children.
We are Fresh Hope Consulting, and we have a range of packages to help schools engage with this topic. You can take a look at our website for more information.
Linda Smallbones
This is a topic no one wants to talk about. Or, maybe we know we need to but don't know how. We can help you with that. We can help your school have conversations through facilitated workshops and meetings to make a plan for early intervention and prevention of inappropriate sexual behaviour in your school.
Parents
If you're a parent and you suspect or know your child has been subject to or initiated inappropriate sexual behaviour, give me a call. Talking it through and assessing risk and action steps can be extremely helpful, even though it can be difficult.
We've got this!
