Stamina for the Long Haul
Running out of stamina is an indication that there is something we need to receive. Give yourself permission to say yes when offers of help are given.
Coronavirus, the Latin name for uncertainty. It’s not, I’ll say that quickly before I am accused of spreading fake news. But it (certainly!) feels like it is uncertainty by a different name.
Week to week things are changing and shifting. As scientists and medics discover new information about the virus, new regulations are rolled out. Things are loosing up, things are getting stricter. Kids are returning to school. Oh, no wait, they’re not yet.
In the middle of this, as South Africa starts to hit our peak, we do need to remain vigilant, even as we feel we’ve had enough of isolating and distancing.
There are some things that I do believe can boost that stamina as we settle in for the long haul of keeping ourselves and our families and communities safe and well.
Look how far we’ve come!
If you’re a parent, what have you noticed about your child’s coping with the situation? Stop and notice how they have adapted through this time. It may even be helpful to make a list of these and over the next days and weeks, speak those out to your child. “I am so proud of you for the way you have worked so independently on your school work!” Having them written down also helps for the days when you’re struggling with the 24/7, in -your- space, stamina-parenting stuff and you literally need to remind yourself of what is good.
How about you? In what ways have you adapted over the past two months to this situation? Take stock, be proud of yourself for where you have already got to!
A practical activity for the whole family could be to make your own certificates. You could each make your own certificate for yourself and share it with each other, or make certificates for one another, focusing on positive coping. For example; “What I am most proud of myself for in lockdown is…” or “I have learned that I… (insert positive coping here)”
Invest your energy well
During this time, what are you doing that is giving you enjoyment? Make space for that as often as you can, and to the level that is good and helpful for you.
What are the things that are draining your energy? If you cannot clean the kitchen one more time this week…then don’t. It is ok if standards slip in the name of good mental health during this time.
I really believe creative expression is a key to coping in these times. Find something that is fun and creative for you and enjoy doing that. I have been colouring in a lot! In times when I just cannot think any more and I need to zone out, this has been a great energy investment. I have a finished product at the end, I have a wall full of colour in my office, and even while I think I am not thinking, I am actually allowing my brain to process and sort and calm. Wonderful therapy!
Note: as soon as the creative activity starts becoming a performance, stop doing it. It should be giving energy and life back to you, not depleting it!
Receive
This one is important for all of us. Running out of stamina is an indication that there is something we need to receive. Give yourself permission to say yes when offers of help are given.
Take time to receive what others are offering you in love, care and affection. Cherish the hug your child gives you. Receive the compliment you’re paid and enjoy it. Sit in the Winter sun and enjoy the warmth of the rays, simple but often profoundly cheering. Sunshine is free. So are the smiles of others.
When you’re in a cranky spot with yourself or others, stop and ask yourself what it is you need to receive in this time. Rather than being a selfish, self-focused exercise, this is one that sets up a cycle of generosity that you can give from. We can only give away what we’ve been given. We can give from a place of low resources for a while, but not indefinitely.
Let out your big feelings
We all have feelings that feel as though they are taking over our body, they feel in control of us. Find avenues to express your big feelings. Cry, scream and shout (preferably into your pillow, not at your family). Give yourself permission for the emotional days of feeling completely overwhelmed.
Every single person I have spoken to about their emotions during this time has said that they have had them. We are not alone.
Lower your expectations of your productivity on those days, and allow yourself to ride the crest of the emotion. You will land on the shore soon enough and continue on your way.
In the meantime, if you feel stuck- like you’re just not able to come in to shore – in these big feelings especially if they are brought on by loss or trauma, reach out for help.
We can do this!
No doubt there are still hardships ahead for all of us for many different reasons. But. We CAN do this. And it really is ok on the days when your whole being is telling you that you can’t. Please, on those days, don’t go to bed without having shared that thought with at least one other person you trust.
