The Honeymoon Is Over

We’ve just finished the third full week of the first term of school. How’re you doing?

It’s a funny thing. Week three feels a bit like “the honeymoon is over” week. The first week jitters have gone, the first couple of full weeks of school have gone by and your body is starting to go “ooooh, this is what it feels like.” And “I don’t know if I like this all or not!”

The length of school days, the after-school activities and the full-on routine of the term have begun. For our little grade 1s, this can be a tough time. Once so excited about their uniforms, now they grate on them, confined by shoes and desks and short play times. The reality of homework sets in. This is just not as fun as grade R with 80% of the day being play!

For others, a new grade can feel like a complete gear change. New, and higher, expectations, a little more pressure. I was having this conversation with a 10 year old the other day and he told me it just feels so much faster. I felt his anxiety as he said that.

I am not saying it’s all bad, at all. But even good changes are still changes that bring new things we have to adapt to. For younger children, for the highly sensitive, for the neurodiverse and those who are just having a hard time in general right now, right now might feel very difficult. (EVEN if it is good! Change is change and creates uncertainty!)

You may see behaviour from your children that you don’t get right now. Seemingly sudden mood swings, increased anxiety, aggression, increased bickering between siblings etc… What if, you’re just seeing some adjustment in the gear change. Sorting through and trying to find themselves again in the flurry of all the new. New for some can make them feel a bit untethered and floaty, now that's scary!

By the way, if you also feel some of these things as an adult, that is OK! New is new at any age and stage and can create uncertainty. We can be sitting with lots of unknowns right now, and/or overwhelm.

What are we to do with all of this? It can be really tempting to simply sit and go the path of least resistance when we’re home and very often these days that is being on devices; social media, TV, YouTube etc… (I know, because this has been me!)

We tell ourselves it’s a way of switching off our brains or that it’s giving our children some downtime. Maybe, for a little while. But as an everyday coping mechanism used to avoid reality, it’s not great for us or our children.

Here are some ideas to do instead. (For you and your children!)

Move your body

Movement is regulating, it helps modulate the intensity of our emotions and gives an outlet for what we’ve been holding in our body through each day. For children who struggle sitting still at a desk all day, movement is critical!

I’m talking about movement for enjoyment, not as a performance or goal. Ask your child how they would like to move their body and give some suggestions of what you can do with them; walk around the block or in nature close to your home, timing round the house running in the garden (if that’s your children’s vibe, without focusing too much on the competitive aspect), seeing how many jumping jacks you can do whilst whistling happy birthday, having a dance party! For older children, hitting golf balls at the driving range or going for a bike ride. What is fun for you, what is fun for your kids without too much admin, free (or cheap) and easily accessible.

Get creative

True story, I got overly involved in world news recently. It made me feel so angry and sad and down. And if I read the comments on any news articles it was even worse! I decided to ban myself from social media and even from reading any news for a week. When I made that decision I went and sat on the veranda with my drawing things and drew. I’m not an artist, at all. I drew without self-judgement and as long as the colours pleased me, I used them and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It felt like a detox!

I recommend using actual paper and pen/paintbrush/pencil crayon in order to get yourself away from digital devices and reconnect with yourself on a sensory level.  If you really don’t know where to start, try a bilateral doodle. It has amazing benefits for the brain by helping get out of your cognitive processing and into a more creative space, also it is a doodle so no performance needed! I remember when the children were small giving them chalk to draw on the driveway. Also, paintbrushes and water to “paint” anywhere they wanted outside!

Be in nature

We can get stuck in thinking that our schedule is the most important thing. When we step into nature, we remember that there is life larger than our schedule, that there is so much more out there to enjoy and experience. Beauty in nature, no matter how small it is, does something good to our souls. If you’re privileged to have a garden, this is nature! It doesn’t have to be out there somewhere- although exploring further afield is fabulous when you can.

I’m sure your kids, when encouraged, can think of a million things to do in your garden. Unfortunately the pull of screens is that there is instant gratification in terms of pleasure and mindless entertainment. This has, in many ways, replaced outdoor exploration. I’m advocating for shutting down screens for the majority of the time and sending them back out into the garden, and/or further explorations in the great outdoors!

If your children need some encouragement and ideas, let them set up a mud kitchen, gather some materials to make a garden fort (our garden fort did end up looking like a squatter camp, but you know, all in the name of the great outdoors!), or go on garden walks with your children with the fun challenge of finding something you’ve never noticed before, or finding a specific colour plant, or something of a certain texture. Hey! This is movement, creativity and nature all in one!

Yes, I think the honeymoon is over. We might be feeling it, that's OK. I highly recommend not getting lost in digital space when you have downtime, and doing one of these other things, instead. I think your soul will thank you for it. Let me know how it goes!