Self-compassion for parents

It might be time for a little mid-year check-in. How kind are you being to yourself as a parent?

“Every time I read a book about how to be smarter, how not to be sad, how to raise children and be happy and grow old gracefully, I think, “Well, I won’t make those mistakes, I won’t have to go through that,” but we all have to go through that. Everything they went through, we’ll go through. Life isn’t a vicarious experience. You get it figured out and then one day life happens to you. You prepare yourself for grief and loss, arrange your ballast and then the wave swamps the boat.” Garrison Keillor in “Leaving Home: A collection of Lake Wobegon Stories.”

Here is my punt for self-compassion, dear fellow parent. You can prepare yourself as much as you would like, but. But, when you get there and you don’t handle it like you would like to, like you believe you can or should or could have, don’t beat yourself up. As I read recently, don’t get into a “should storm”!

Every single stage of your child’s development, they will change – juuuuussst as you were getting the hang of it all! At the same time, you are changing too. Parenting is done in the middle of a much larger story. There is not a whole lot we can truly control in the externals.

We can control our response to our world. We can decide to become more aware of who we are and how we parent. This is more of an internal journey and what makes it more attractive and attainable is when we do it with self-compassion.

Increasing self-compassion

Here is a self-compassion “check list” to reflect on.

Am I being kind and understanding to myself?

Do I acknowledge that everyone has shortcomings (it’s not just me)?

Am I keeping my negative feelings in perspective?

You could also write yourself a letter as if it was from a close friend, expressing compassion for the part of yourself you may be struggling with as a parent. What kind words and affirmations would your friend use?